1. Don’t take their moods personally

Being a teenager is a difficult time with uncomfortable and confusing feelings, thoughts and experiences. Chances are that their bad mood or snotty tone of voice has got nothing to do with you. Let them know where your boundaries are, but don’t take their behaviour too personally.

2. Be natural

The best role model you can be for them is to be yourself. By feeling comfortable in your own skin and sticking to your integrity, you unconsciously give the teen permission to start to do the same.

3. Ask if you don’t understand

A teen’s world is probably very different to yours. If you don’t understand the meaning of a word they are using, a place they are talking about or a gadget you have never heard about – just ask. The teen will might laugh at you or be sarcastic but at least you will learn a little more about their world.

4. See the world through their eyes

Related to the point above, it’s important to make an effort to see the world through the teen’s eyes. Being a teen now is very different to when you were a teenager (even if that’s only a decade ago). Learn about what it is like to be a teen now.  It will be enlightening!

5. Be honest

Always be honest about your own life, how you feel and what you think. You don’t necessarily need to candy coat everything for teens – they will probably see right through it anyway. Being honest can help teens understand you, the world and themselves better. It can also help to foster care and respect between you.

6. Laugh

Many teens take life FAR too seriously. By being light and fun, you can teach them how to laugh at you, themselves and life. This is a valuable life skill that helps keep things in perspective.

7. Respect their privacy

Even if the teen in question is your child, resist the temptation to search through their phone, internet history etc. They are busy forming their own identity and privacy is very important. A breach in trust like this can take a long time to rebuild. Rather foster a relationship that encourages the teen to come talk to you about things that are not going well, thereby alleviating the “need” to snoop.

8. Encourage them to be themselves

As mentioned above, the teen years are a time of forming an identity in the world. Teens also have a very strong need to conform and belong. Always encourage the teen to be themselves and to express that however they want. If they want to dye their hair black and cut it into a mullet – let them (and don’t laugh!)

9. Be adaptable

A teen is a rapidly developing person. What may have applied and worked last year, is probably no longer relevant. Continue to see the teen as a fresh new evolving person and adapt accordingly.

10. Be fun but firm

It’s good to fun and free, but still maintain some boundaries and structure. Allow the teen to express themselves but ask them to still respect others and the general rules of the house, school, family etc.

There’s a lot of talk these days about meditation and the benefits of it. It seems that anyone and everyone is doing it. But what is it really?

Firstly let me clear up a common misconception: Meditation is NOT trying to get rid of your thoughts so your mind is empty.  Thoughts are part of your existence and are not the enemy. Trying to have no thoughts at all, especially for any length of time, is a very tall order.

So you can go ahead and drop that expectation on yourself.

Whew! That’s a relief

Instead, meditation is the practice of bringing your mind to the present (thoughts and all). You may not be aware of this yet, but your mind spends most of the day flitting between the past and the future.  You tend to spend very little time actually experiencing this present moment. I bet that even right now, your mind is wandering off, “I wonder what I should have for dinner” or “Oh no, I forgot to do so and so…” This is how we spend most of our time, chewing on the past or planning for the future. Have you ever had the experience of driving home, yet when you arrive you have absolutely NO recollection of driving at all? Where was your mind when you were driving I wonder?

This is one of the main reasons why you often feel tired, down, negative, can’t concentrate, have trouble sleeping etc. Take a moment to imagine running up and down a room all day and all night, EVERY DAY. How would you feel? Exhausted I reckon! That’s how your mind feels. By almost never being in the present, the mind gets very little rest.

That’s where meditation comes in. It is a daily practice of giving the mind rest by bringing it back to the present moment.

How can you do this? Here are some ideas:

• Close your eyes for a few moments, and just start watching your breath.
• Become aware of the food you are eating. Experience every texture, colour and taste.
• Standing in the queue? Take this time to really experience your surroundings. How do things look? How does it feel to be in your body right now? How is your breathing?

Start by practicing one of these simple meditations for a few minutes every day. You’ll soon notice the difference in your day.

Many of us find it very difficult to say “no” when we need to. We might be scared of conflict, of being judged or even of loss of that relationship or opportunity. However, saying no is a vital part of healthy living. It lets others know where our boundaries are and is a form of self-respect. If we don’t say no when we need to, we risk harm to ourselves, others and the loss of respect of others. Each time you just go along with something against your own better judgment, you set up an expectation in other people that you will continue in the same vein in future. It is best to start setting the right expectations and boundaries now for all of your relationships in life.

Here are some guidelines to help you to say “no” the next time you need to.

Let’s imagine situation that your boss has asked you to work late every night this week, when you have other personal obligations.

1. Never say “no” in anger or frustration. This tends to escalate the situation and creates a “me against you” scenario. Both parties are likely to dig their heels in, making a successful resolution more difficult. Rather wait until you can state your case with composure and firmness. If necessary, say, “I need a bit of time to think about this” and then return when you are ready to face the situation on an even keel.
2. Compassionately state your understanding of the other person’s situation. As a general rule, other people are not trying to harm you. They are acting from their own best intention to get the best for their own lives, whatever that might be. Make an effort to stand in the other person’s shoes and understand with compassion why they are making this request or behaving in this manner. Verbally express your understanding of the other person’s position to let them know that you see their point of view.  Our example, “I understand that you want the best for this company and that you feel you need me to do a bit of extra work every night this week.”
3. Clearly state your position. This is the key to help the other person understand your position. Be firm but calm using “I” sentences, not “You” sentences. Focus on your own situation and don’t be judgmental. So for our example, rather say, “I have some personal commitments this week on Tuesday and Wednesday that are important and cannot be postponed”, as opposed to, “You are being unreasonable! You know that I have a family at home and other obligations!”
4. Clearly state what you can and can’t do. You need to let the other person know what you can offer them and what you can’t. This is the time to set your boundaries. It is important to be clear, precise and firm.  This is not the time to use “maybe”, “I’m not sure”, “perhaps I can…” The other person needs clarity on where you stand and where they stand. In our example, you could say, “I can only stay on an extra half hour on Tuesday and Wednesday evening, but I am willing to come in at 8 am instead of 8.30 am. I will be happy to work an extra two hours on Thursday evening.”
5. Don’t let it turn into a fight. If the other person becomes angry, stay calm and clearly repeat your position. If they still remain angry say, “I think we need a bit of time to cool off. Can we talk about this a bit later please?” Whatever you do, don’t get angry with the other person, you are jeopardising the successful resolution of the situation. If need be, just remove yourself from the situation until the other person calms down. Remember to use “I” sentences” not “You” sentences.
6. Be honest when saying no. It is important to stay in your integrity when putting up your boundaries. Be true to yourself, your needs and your situation. Don’t use “no” as a weapon to manipulate others or situations. Other people will soon realise that you are not being authentic and will lose respect for you and your boundaries.
7. Be consistent. Being consistent in the way you set boundaries and what your boundaries are is also important. It is unsettling for other people and damaging to your relationships if you keep changing the parameters of your boundaries. For example, if when you take a job, you tell your boss that you cannot do weekend work, then stick to that. It will be confusing for your boss, if without discussing a change in your situation, you start taking work home on the weekends.  If for whatever reason your boundaries have changed, then let the other person know so that they know where they stand. E.g. “I now have help on a Saturday morning, so if need be I can work 2-3 hours extra on the weekend.” Being consistent will naturally happen if you stay in your integrity.

Happy boundary setting!

1. Breathe

Deep breathing into your stomach is one of the quickest ways to get back into your body and the present moment.

Instructions for the full yogic breath:

• Find a quiet place to sit.
• Place your palms facing up on your knees and close your eyes.
• Make sure that you are sitting up straight.
• Breathe in expanding your stomach outwards.
• Once you cannot expand your stomach any further, start expanding your chest upwards and outwards.
• Breathe out, pulling in your stomach first and then letting your chest collapse.
• This is one round. Continue for another 5-10 rounds.
• Although there is some effort in this breathing, you should not be forcing the body or straining. Long, slow breaths are the best.

2. Do some gentle stretching

Do 5 to 10 minutes of gentle stretching of the body. This works best when you place your full awareness on the stretching and the sensations you are experiencing in the body. Don’t forget to take long deep breaths as you stretch and to listen to your body. Once again, aim for effort without strain.

3. Remove yourself from technology

Give yourself a ten minute time-out from technology. Switch your phone, PC, TV and radio off. Just enjoy the silence and break from being tapped into the information age for a few minutes.

4. Interact with an animal

Play with a pet. Have fun and be silly.

5. Eat some heavy food

Food can be used to help ground you. “Heavy” foods such as bread, bananas, peanut butter, milk, potato, pasta etc. are the best.

6. Go outside into nature

Being in nature is one of the most powerful ways to get back to yourself. Even if you can only access a small bench under a tree in your office block, go there now. Notice the quality of the sunlight, how the leaves look, the scents in the air. Enjoy a moment to bathe in the wonderful creation around you.

7. Get a hug

A loving authentic hug can do an ungrounded person the world of good. Ask someone that you are close to and feel loved by. Make sure that they are grounded themselves when you ask.

8. Become aware of your surroundings

Take a moment to consciously notice your body and your surroundings. What can you hear and see? How do your clothes feel on your skin? Do you have any tension in your body or are you relaxed? What is happening around you?

9. Remove yourself from other ungrounded people

If you are interacting with other people who are ungrounded, remove yourself from their company for a few moments while you get grounded again. How can you tell if someone else is not grounded? They tend to be flighty, anxious, restless, impatient, oblivious of their own body and surroundings, “spaced out”, daydreaming etc. Only come back to their company when you are grounded again.

10. Do a grounding visualisation

You can do this visualisation anywhere, even at your desk. Take your shoes off and place your bare feet on the ground. Imagine that roots are growing out of the bottom of your feet and are traveling down to the centre of the earth. These roots reach the core of the earth and anchor you to the earth’s surface.